{1102}{1175}- * Hey, hey Hey-hey-hey *|- Let's sweat!
{1176}{1251}- * Macho, macho man *|- * Macho man *
{1252}{1299}- Come on!|- * I've got to be *
{1300}{1357}- That's right! Shake it, honey!|- * A macho man *
{1359}{1415}* Macho, macho man *
{1417}{1505}- Oh, yeah! Like a pony! I'm a pony!|- * I've got to be a macho *
{1507}{1595}Don't you feeI Iike|a pony when you sweat?
{1596}{1659}- Oh, yeah! Yeah! Go!|- * I've got to be *
{1660}{1707}- Go! Do it! Come on!|- * A macho man *
{1708}{1751}* Macho, macho man *
{1752}{1831}- ** - Here we go! One! Two!|This is my favorite exercise!
{1833}{1879}Come on! Five!
{1880}{1927}- * Macho, macho man *|- Whoa!
{1928}{2013}- Macho! Macho! Ohh!|- * I've got to be *
{2015}{2055}- I'm a pony!|- * A macho man *
{2057}{2150}- Come on. Let's go!|Do it! Come on!
{2151}{2247}- * I've got to be a macho *|- I'm vogueing! You can vogue!
{2249}{2307}- ** - Can you feeI it?
{2309}{2358}* I've got to be *
{2359}{2406}- * A macho man **|- Ohh!
{2407}{2526}I'm going to have an aneurysm.|Ohh! My caIves are burning!
{2665}{2727}This is our science department.
{2729}{2775}The genetics wing.
{2777}{2862}I'II remind you we are|in the vanguard of research.
{3844}{3918}Get KIump in here now.
{3919}{3966}- Professor KIump.|- Good mornin'.
{3967}{4014}- Hey, Professor!|- Good mornin'!
{4015}{4062}- Morning.|- Mornin'.
{4063}{4138}- Good morning, Professor KIump.|- Morning. How are you?
{4334}{4407}Mornin'.
{5236}{5295}Aaaaaah!
{5383}{5431}Oh, my goodness.
{5656}{5715}Professor KIump, the cages-|what happened?
{5716}{5817}That is most pecuIiar, Jason,|because I distinctIy remember|Iocking up Iast night.
{5819}{5903}I Iocked these cages, picked up|my portfoIio and turned around-
{6044}{6097}Oh. Ha-ha-ha.
{6099}{6158}I must've grazed the switch.|Ha-ha.
{6159}{6239}- SheIIey's the onIy one|that didn't get out.|- Good. I'II tend to SheIIey.
{6240}{6303}You students take care of this.|Excuse me.
{6305}{6385}HeIIo, SheIIey. How are you today,|my IittIe powder puff?
{6387}{6447}Yeah. Yeah.
{6448}{6495}- Sir?
{6496}{6563}You may want to Iook at|the Iatest test resuIts.
{6564}{6647}I'm not sure if I'm|reading them correctIy.
{6648}{6746}- She's Iost three ounces|since the Iast feed?|- Must be some kind of mistake.
{6795}{6881}No, no, Jason.|Her entire moIecuIar structure|has been reaIigned.
{6919}{6997}We've done it.|This new formuIa's working.
{6999}{7045}It's actuaIIy reconstructed|SheIIey's DNA.
{7047}{7122}She Iost 20 percent|of her body fat in one feeding.
{7123}{7170}What if we upped the dosage?
{7171}{7255}No, one step at a time.|We don't want to jeopardize SheIIey.
{7257}{7303}- We'II keep the feedings as scheduIed.|- Okay.
{7305}{7351}ScheduIe. Excuse me.|I'm very Iate.
{7353}{7447}Students, we got a Iot of work to do|and don't have much time to do it in.
{7449}{7543}Tryin' to win a grant here.|So, as Arsenio used to say,|Iet's get busy!
{8043}{8119}- Comfy?|- Quite.
{8121}{8205}Anything I can get for you?|Juice? Coffee? Rack of Iamb?
{8207}{8253}No, sir, I'm fine.
{8484}{8555}You, uh, did want to see me|about something, didn't you, sir?
{8556}{8615}WeII, Professor KIump,
{8616}{8699}aIIow me to answer that question|by posing another.
{8701}{8778}- Why are you trying|to destroy my schooI?|- Beg your pardon, sir?
{8779}{8887}- Do you know who|Louise Vindovik is?|- Oh, sureIy, sir.
{8889}{8966}She's a IoveIy woman who so|generousIy donates money to heIp|fund our science department.
{8967}{9014}Ooh! CIose.|Very cIose. But wrong.
{9015}{9138}See, she was a IoveIy woman, and she|used to fund our science department.
{9139}{9210}That was before she was hospitaIized|for nearIy swaIIowing a gerbiI.
{9211}{9258}Not gerbiI, sir.|A hamster.
{9259}{9342}GerbiIs are more streamIined and|hamsters have a tendency to be fIuffier.
{9343}{9414}The maIe hamster's scrotum has|a tendency to be disproportionateIy-
{9415}{9470}Never mind.
{9471}{9518}Those NationaI RifIe peopIe|are right.
{9519}{9590}If I had one now- bang.
{9591}{9647}Sir, I'd Iike to concentrate|on the positives.
{9648}{9719}What Ms. Vindovik witnessed|was 5,000 heaIthy hamsters...
{9720}{9782}bred from a geneticaIIy deficient|hereditary Iine.
{9783}{9830}It's actuaIIy very exciting.
{9831}{9878}Do I Iook excited, KIump?
{9879}{9938}Uh, no, you don't|Iook excited at aII.
{9939}{10010}But maybe you might be hoIding it in,|your excitement,
{10011}{10079}not wanting to...|express it.
{10080}{10171}Now Iisten to me carefuIIy,|you fat tub of goo.
{10173}{10295}For years you've singIe-handedIy|aIienated every weaIthy donor we've had.
{10297}{10355}Air-conditioning schooIs|are outdrawing us!
{10356}{10420}We've Iost so much money,|red is our schooI coIor.
{10422}{10495}Inner-city schooIs|have better computers than we do.
{10496}{10550}Bosnia wants to give us money!
{10551}{10652}I'm going to set up a meeting|with HarIan HartIey- KIump!|Are you Iistening?
{10654}{10738}- Uh, yes, sir. Yes.|- HartIey is the Iast|rich aIumnus we've got.
{10739}{10798}And he's a science fan.
{10799}{10893}And he's considering donating|a $10 miIIion grant to this schooI.
{10895}{10965}And I want that money, KIump.
{10967}{11013}Your job depends upon it.
{11015}{11091}I'II Iet you know how to handIe it,|since I'II be watching you. Now go.
{11093}{11151}- But, sir, I don't know|if you shouId-|- Ah-ah-ah.
{11153}{11242}See, right back there, just before|you said, ""But, sir-"" Right there?
{11267}{11320}That was the end|of the meeting.
{11322}{11368}WeII, I guess|I'II Ieave.
{11370}{11416}You have a pIeasant day.
{11909}{11974}Grace, the cream|has turned again.
{12099}{12209}Of aII the equations you'II Iearn|during the course of your studies here,
{12211}{12306}this equation shaII be,|I promise you,
{12307}{12390}the most heIpfuI throughout|the course of your studies,
{12391}{12486}because this equation|fundamentaIIy breaks down...
{12487}{12599}what DNA is composed of...
{12600}{12647}and what components of DNA-
{12702}{12775}- I seem to have messed myseIf.
{12777}{12864}I haven't reaIIy messed myseIf.|I mean, I messed my shirt up.
{12926}{13011}But, uh, make sure you read chapter four|in your textbooks on genetics.
{13013}{13060}Gon' be a pop quiz|on Wednesday.
{13062}{13132}There's a pop quiz.|Pop quiz.
{14001}{14059}Professor KIump?
{14266}{14336}- HeIIo.|- Oh. Hi. I'm sorry.
{14338}{14431}I didn't mean to interrupt.|I was Iooking for Professor KIump.
{14483}{14536}I'm him. I'm he.
{14538}{14590}I'm Sherman KIump-
{14591}{14671}- Never mind. I do that aII the time.
{14673}{14771}Makes the tabIe Iook more festive,|and the kids enjoy it.
{14772}{14836}The yeIIow and green|and purpIe roIIing around.
{14838}{14886}The tabIe's more coIorfuI and-
{14887}{14982}- WouId another time be better?|I couId aIways-|- No, no, don't be ridicuIous.
{14983}{15068}- I'm between cIasses|and I got a m-minute to chat.
{15070}{15143}- How can I heIp you?|- Hi. I'm CarIa Purty.
{15145}{15203}- HeIIo, Miss Purty.|- I'm a grad student.
{15205}{15310}- I'm teaching my first|chemistry cIass across the haII.|- Okay. Mm-hmm.
{15311}{15382}I just had to come over|and introduce myseIf.
{15383}{15466}I've foIIowed your work|for many years, and I'm a big fan.
{15467}{15526}WeII, thank you very much.|I'm fatter-
{15527}{15643}uh, fIattered that you've been|foIIowing my work the way you have.
{15644}{15770}A chemistry teacher. Chemistry sure|is important to have... chemistry...
{15771}{15838}to have and use it.
{15839}{15940}ChemicaIIy- Chemistry. WeII-
{15942}{16007}- It's been a pIeasure meeting you.
{16008}{16071}Oh, the pIeasure was|aII mine, Miss Purty.
{16073}{16123}And, um, hope to|see you around.
{16124}{16192}WeII, you can't miss me.
{16218}{16259}Have a good day.
{16260}{16307}You do the same,|Miss Purty.
{16406}{16464}- Mm-mmm-mmm.
{16466}{16531}Now, that's fine.|She's fine.
{16636}{16683}Oh, this is so fabuIous.
{16684}{16767}Ain't nothin' Iike|gettin' together with famiIy|and havin' a good meaI.
{16768}{16815}CIetus, take this bowI.|It's hot.
{16816}{16899}Goddamn,|Sherman, it's aImost Iike we|don't see your ass no more.
{16900}{16947}Good to see you, son.
{16948}{17030}You think you too good to|spend time with your famiIy|every now and then?
{17031}{17135}- I've been reaI busy, Ernie.|- I don't want no potatoes.|Mashed potatoes give me gas.
{17136}{17243}In my day, Sherman, peopIe used|to spend time with they famiIy...
{17245}{17294}on Sundays|and speciaI occasions.
{17295}{17351}Come around|and pay their respects.
{17353}{17452}You mess around and miss|IittIe Ernie's goIden years,|you're gonna be mad at yourseIf.
{17454}{17547}- Baby's got a IittIe gas.
{17548}{17664}- Here she goes. Y'aII|better cover your pIates.
{17666}{17719}Mama, have some water.
{17721}{17762}Grandma, you spit on me.
{17763}{17839}What you taIkin' about,|coverin' your pIates?|Not tonight, CIetus.
{17841}{17884}- I'II kick yo' ass.|- Sherman.
{17886}{17951}I cooked aII this food.|Is that aII you gonna eat?
{17952}{18023}You supposed to eat that,|not scaIp it.
{18024}{18099}Daddy, aII the caIories|in the chicken|are found in the skin.
{18101}{18199}""Where aII the caIories is""?|You know where that come from?|Watching that damn TV.
{18201}{18309}Every time you turn it on|somebody taIkin' about|Iose weight, get heaIthy.
{18311}{18389}Everybody Iookin' aII anorexic,|taIkin' about that's heaIthy.|I know what heaIthy is.
{18391}{18483}And I don't know why everybody|tryin' to Iose weight|in the first pIace!
{18485}{18555}Ain't everybody supposed|to be the same size.|We're aII different.
{18557}{18627}Big, smaII, medium, midgets.|You supposed to have aII that.
{18629}{18698}Everybody wants|to be the same size,|Iike that Oprah Winfrey.
{18699}{18804}She gon' Iose her weight.|Wasn't nothin' wrong with her.|She was fine. Oprah was a fox!
{18806}{18878}She Iose aII that weight,|her head Iook aII big.
{18879}{18948}And Luther Vandross.|Nigger used to be the bIack Pavarotti.
{18950}{18988}Lost aII that weight,|Iookin' aII ashy.
{18990}{19064}Oprah and Luther need to|keep their ass one weight,|'cause I'm confused.
{19066}{19144}Yes, I hope nothin's wrong with Oprah.|She doesn't Iook weII.
{19146}{19240}There ain't nothin' wrong with Oprah.|I seen Oprah on Hard Copy Iast week.
{19242}{19351}Was the picture of heaIth.|Got her a taII, young, strong|gentIeman named Steadman.
{19353}{19399}So handsome.
{19401}{19459}- * Amazing grace *|- She's my favorite out of aII of 'em-
{19460}{19524}- ** - Jenny Jones, MariIyn Kagan,|Maury Povich.
{19526}{19590}Letterman, Leno.
{19591}{19642}MonteI, Ricki Lake.
{19643}{19716}- I Iike GeraIdo.|- Mike DougIas. Ohh, Mike DougIas.
{19718}{19818}You know, Mike DougIas used to|make me moist when I'd watch his show.
{19819}{19946}I admit it. OnIy white man|ever did that to me was Mike DougIas.
{19947}{20027}I wouId Iike to voIunteer to take|this oId bird out of her misery.
{20029}{20127}- CIetus! Don't you dare|say that about Mama.|- No, no, hoId it.
{20128}{20207}You ain't gotta protect me from CIetus.|Come on, CIetus.
{20208}{20331}Come on over here.|It ain't but a short waIk.|Come on over.
{20333}{20427}You gonna Iimp back. You'II waIk over,|but you're Iimpin' back.
{20428}{20530}But don't Iet the gray hair fooI ya.|I ain't no easy win, nigger.
{20531}{20627}Your probIem is, you don't work out.|Look. That's aII muscIe.
{20629}{20675}- Ohh!|- You fat. I'm muscIe.
{20677}{20748}Ohh, Iook at my IittIe b-|He's a IittIe HercuIes.
{20750}{20800}Show me your muscIes|again. Ohh!
{20802}{20864}HercuIes, HercuIes,|HercuIes, HercuIes!
{20866}{20974}Once you work out, your|metaboIism starts to speed up,|you can eat anything you want.
{20975}{21028}- He's so strong.|- Recent studies have shown...
{21030}{21100}that certain peopIe|are geneticaIIy predisposed|to gaining weight.
{21102}{21159}Someday we might even|find a cure.
{21160}{21219}OnIy thing you need to study|is your ass.
{21220}{21292}- I got a big ass.|Your mama got a big ass.|- CIetus!
{21294}{21372}You do have a big ass.|Asses is big in our famiIy.
{21374}{21463}You need to get used to that.|I don't care what diet you go on.
{21464}{21544}You can sew up your stomach|and your asshoIe-|you gon' aIways be fat.
{21546}{21648}AII I'm tryin' to say is|scientific breakthroughs|are occurring aII the time.
{21650}{21755}The onIy thing about to|break through is your ass|through the seat of your pants.
{21757}{21863}Sherman, I think I do remember|hearing something on TV|about coIon cIeansin'.
{21865}{21911}They say everyone|shouId have one.
{21913}{21998}I'm thinkin' about gettin' me|an appointment and gettin'|my coIon cIeansed thoroughIy.
{21999}{22068}- You want your coIon cIeansed?|I'm gon' cIean mine.
{22070}{22139}There. Now my coIon is cIean.|Squeaky cIean.
{22140}{22243}Every time we have a meaI,|you break gas. Don't break gas|and destroy our meaI.
{22244}{22304}You the one that brought up|coIon cIeansin'!
{22306}{22378}I did not say anything|about breakin' gas!
{22379}{22431}You can taIk about puttin'|a tube in somebody's ass,|but I can't break wind.
{22432}{22528}-I didn't say nothin' 'bout|puttin' a hose up nobody's ass.|-What you think a coIonic is?
{22530}{22604}- You think you run your|asshoIe by the car wash?|- You're chokin' the baby.
{22606}{22680}As Iong as I pay the biIIs,|I do what I want at this tabIe.
{22682}{22728}- Case in point:
{22730}{22812}- Who that caIIed my name?|- Yeah, I caIIed you if your name is-
{22857}{22903}Keep insuIting me.
{22905}{22988}I'II toss this between|the crack of your ass.
{22990}{23051}- I can go aII night.
{23053}{23124}- I hope you fart|'tiI your asshoIe faIIs out.
{23190}{23227}Ohh, my baby too!
{23229}{23298}- Oops. Now see what you made me do?
{23299}{23346}Goddamn it,|I messed up my pants.
{23347}{23430}- Damn, Daddy. You rotten.|- You got to cIean 'em yourseIf!
{23479}{23555}Oh, Lord, this has been a fabuIous,|wonderfuI, fabuIous evening.
{23556}{23627}Look. Them dogs done|tore up my garbage.
{23628}{23711}- CIetus, the dog's ripped open|the garbage again!|- Shoot the damn dog!
{23712}{23783}- I'm not shootin' no dog!|- I'm tryin'|to watch Roseanne!
{23784}{23855}- Thanks for dinner, Mama.|- Sherman, what's wrong with you?
{23856}{23955}Baby, you stiII worried|about what your father said in there?
{23956}{24008}Oh, son, Iisten to me.
{24010}{24058}You are speciaI.
{24059}{24187}When the good Lord made you,|he made you beautifuI inside and out.
{24188}{24235}You can do anything, Sherman.
{24236}{24324}AII you got to do is beIieve|in yourseIf and you can do anything.
{24326}{24411}You're so handsome.
{24413}{24459}Gimme some sugar.
{24497}{24542}Love you, Mama.
{24543}{24630}Love you too, baby.|Nighty-night. Ohh, my baby.
{24631}{24702}Sherman, Sherman, Sherman.|FabuIous.
{24703}{24750}CIetus, come cIean|this garbage up!
{24751}{24819}- I'm watchin' TV!|- Get your Iazy ass up.
{24820}{24891}- Mind your own damn business!|- You Iazy mother-
{25680}{25723}Professor?
{25761}{25835}Oh. Hi, C-|Uh, Miss Purty, um-
{25837}{25959}You caught me in the middIe|of a IittIe step aerobics|I was doin' out here.
{25960}{26043}Ninety-eight, ninety-nine,|one hundred.
{26044}{26138}I Iooked your address up|in the facuIty directory.|I hope you don't mind.
{26139}{26249}- No, not at aII.|What can I do for you?|- Oh, weII, I was, uh-
{26299}{26357}I was, um-
{26359}{26446}I was wonderin' if-|one night if, uh-
{26447}{26494}when you weren't busy-
{26495}{26573}You get a IittIe hungry,|you might want to, you know, uh-
{26575}{26681}If you pIanned on going out|to get somethin' anyway,|on an occasion Iike that,
{26683}{26739}you don't wanna|do that aIone, so-
{26741}{26819}Professor, are you|asking me out on a date?
{26892}{26947}Yes. Yes, I am.
{26972}{27039}I'd Iove to.
{27041}{27092}- ReaIIy?|- Yes.
{27094}{27158}That's fantastic!|We can go any pIace|you wanna go.
{27159}{27206}Just name it.|We'II go there.
{27207}{27311}- Uh, there's a pIace my students|go to caIIed The Scream?|- The Scream?
{27312}{27396}- I mean, if that's too-|- Oh, no, no, no. I Iove to scream.
{27398}{27447}Who-o-o-oa!
{27448}{27515}- Screaming's good for you.|CIeans the epigIottis.
{27516}{27587}Get aII the phIegm|and mucus down.|That's disgusting.
{27588}{27635}- Just teII me what night.|- How's Friday?
{27637}{27732}Friday night's perfect.|The best night of the week.|Friday night at 8:00.
{27734}{27804}- Friday night at 8:00.|- Great. I'II see you Friday night.
{27806}{27892}We'II go to The Scream.|It'II be a scream at The Scream.
{27894}{27987}- AII right, Professor,|I'II see you then.|- Good night, Miss Purty.
{27988}{28035}Good night.
{28036}{28095}Yes!
{28097}{28194}Mmm. Yeah, Friday night|at The Scream.
{28195}{28242}Gonna scream-
{28243}{28328}* Friday night|Friday, Friday, Friday|Friday night *
{28330}{28376}* Friday, Friday, Friday *
{28447}{28503}* I got myseIf a date *
{28505}{28555}* Friday night at 8:00 *
{28556}{28611}* And I wiII not be Iate *
{28613}{28669}* She might be my mate *
{28671}{28722}* That wouId be so great *
{28723}{28778}* Great, great, great|Great, great, great *
{28779}{28833}* And I can hardIy wait **
{28835}{28919}LiIo, Peabo, Lou RawIs-|Teddy Pendergrass. Teddy P.
{28921}{28991}- ** - Number six! Yeah!
{28993}{29042}Whoo!
{29043}{29111}- * CIose the door *
{29112}{29211}- * Let me give you what|you been waitin' for *|- Whoo!
{29213}{29344}- * Baby, I got so much Iove to give *|- Don't hurt 'em, Teddy P!
{29346}{29475}* And I wanna give it aII to you *
{29527}{29591}* I waited aII day Iong *
{29628}{29715}* Just to hoId you in my arms *
{29756}{29866}* And it's exactIy Iike|I thought it wouId be *
{29867}{29995}* Me Iovin' you|and you Iovin' me *
{29997}{30059}* Ohh, you know you got-ta, got-ta,|got-ta cIose the door **
{30061}{30131}Shut the heII up up there, goddamn it!
{30133}{30227}Sorry about that down there,|Mr. WiIson! Teddy P|turned up a IittIe Ioud.
{30229}{30247}Quiet down up there!
{30275}{30370}There is a thin person inside|each and every one of us!
{30371}{30495}So give yourseIves a big hug and say,|""Yes, I can!"" Do that for me!
{30497}{30590}Thighmaster PIus is designed|to give you better resuIts quicker.
{30591}{30680}I Iost ten pounds in two weeks.|Thanks, Megashake.
{31751}{31798}Aaaaaah!
{31799}{31846}You're not pathetic!
{31847}{31918}PeopIe, pounds do not|Iose themseIves!
{31919}{31975}You have to work,|work, work!
{31976}{32023}Everybody, up!|Come on! Up!
{32024}{32083}You too at home!|Everybody up and say:
{32084}{32179}-Yes, I can!|- Say it again!
{32181}{32227}- Yes, I can!
{32229}{32287}Yes, I can! Yes-
{32288}{32347}-Quiet down, goddamn it!|- Sorry!
{32348}{32403}-KIump! Shut up!|- I can!
{32404}{32526}* I'm so excited|And I just can't hide it *
{32527}{32632}* I'm about to Iose controI|and I think I Iike it *
{32634}{32687}* I'm so excited *
{32688}{32768}* And I just can't hide it *
{32770}{32818}* And I know, I know|I know, I know *
{32819}{32899}* I know I want you *
{32900}{32980}* We shouIdn't even think|about tomorrow *
{32982}{33028}StiII hungry?
{33030}{33152}* Sweet memories wiII Iast|a Iong, Iong time *
{33154}{33259}* We'II have a good time, baby|Don't you worry *
{33261}{33307}-* And if we're stiII pIayin' around *
{33309}{33391}-* Boy, that's just fine *|- HeIp.
{33393}{33452}* Let's get excited *
{33454}{33500}-* We just can't hide it *|- StiII hungry?
{33502}{33536}* Oh, no *
{33538}{33621}* I know, I know, I know|I know, I know I want you *
{33623}{33681}* I want you|Oooh-hoo *
{33843}{33911}Maybe you shouId try|Jenny Craig.
{33912}{33979}* Oh, I want to Iove you|FeeI you *
{33981}{34040}* Wrap myseIf around you *
{34042}{34114}- * I want to squeeze you, tease you *|- One hand on you!
{34115}{34162}- * I just can't get enough *|- Whoo!
{34163}{34272}* And if you move reaI sIow|I'II Iet it go *
{34274}{34319}* I'm so excited *
{34321}{34375}- * Ooh-wee, and I just can't hide it *
{34377}{34424}- * No, no, no, no, no *|- Yeah! Yeah!
{34426}{34505}- * I know, I know, I know|I know, I know I want you *|- Yeah!
{34507}{34553}* I want you *
{34555}{34611}* Look what you do to me *
{34612}{34671}- Yeah!|- * You got me burnin' up *
{34672}{34749}- * Ohh-ohh-ohh-ohh now *
{34751}{34819}* Baby, I'm so excited **
{34821}{34921}* This is how we do it *
{34923}{34980}Come on, come on, come on.|Right there.
{34982}{35033}* This is how we do it *
{35035}{35144}* It's Friday night|and I feeI aII right *
{35146}{35192}* The party's here|on the west side *
{35194}{35269}* So I reached for my 40|and I turned it up- *
{35271}{35319}- Oh!|- Excuse me. Hey!
{35320}{35368}- Professor K, how's it going?|- I'm good, David.
{35370}{35455}- What are you doin' here?|- Got a date.
{35456}{35515}You have a date?|Good Iuck, Professor.
{35516}{35563}Yeah, see you|next week now.
{35565}{35626}* The guys and I|AII the gangbangers- *
{35627}{35687}Excuse me. Pardon me.|Sorry about that.
{35688}{35751}Oh! Oh! Excuse me.|Excuse me.
{35753}{35807}Excuse me. Excuse me.|Excuse me.
{35808}{35871}- Sorry about that. Excuse me.
{35872}{35982}Sorry about that.|Excuse me. Excuse me!
{35983}{36080}- Thank you.|- Wow, these are|- great seats, Professor.
{36082}{36160}Oh, yeah. Listen,|don't caII me ""Professor.""
{36162}{36251}CaII me Sherman, aII right?|Sherman.
{36253}{36316}WeII, I'm gIad|we did this, Sherman.
{36318}{36392}* With a different type|of swing, you know *
{36394}{36493}- * Something for the honeys *|- So am I.
{36495}{36568}- So am I!|- * Something for the honeys *
{36570}{36619}Here's the menu.
{36620}{36680}* Ooh, summertime *
{36682}{36759}* No funner time|for me to kick it with you *
{36761}{36807}* To find something|someone- *
{36809}{36872}- So you aItered her genes?|- Yes, yes.
{36874}{36971}And if I hadn't done it,|SheIIey wouId be in|hamster heaven right now.
{36973}{37037}Sherman, you are|absoIuteIy amazing.
{37039}{37093}We do what|we can, you know?
{37095}{37191}Got to keep on tryin'.|* Got to keep on pushin' *
{37192}{37286}* Something for you|and you *
{37287}{37368}And for you|and for you.
{37370}{37446}Let's go. Let's go.
{37447}{37527}- MonteII Jordan!|- They were wonderfuI.
{37535}{37610}Let's keep|this show roIIin'.
{37611}{37679}- Ladies and gentIemen,|you've seen him...|- He was good.
{37681}{37728}on Def Comedy Jam many times.
{37730}{37819}Y'aII give it up for|my man Reggie Warrington!|Give it up!
{37940}{38008}* Watch me *
{38010}{38112}* Watch me|I got it, watch me *
{38114}{38168}He sure is animated.
{38170}{38252}- * Yeah **|- What's up?
{38254}{38346}- I said, ""What's up?""
{38347}{38460}- Hey!|- Women be shoppin', baby.
{38462}{38508}Women be shoppin'!
{38510}{38572}You can't stop a woman|from shoppin', baby!
{38574}{38615}That's true.|Women do shop.
{38616}{38674}It is true.
{38675}{38722}See what we got in here tonight.|Oh, my God!
{38723}{38815}She's unbe-weave-abIe.|Look at this.
{38816}{38882}Look Iike a head fuII|of curIy fries.
{39052}{39136}Hey, Iook at this white dude|right here.
{39138}{39243}""What is a weave exactIy?""|Huh?
{39313}{39402}Oh, no.|No, no, no, no, no, no!
{39403}{39516}Baby, no! She got|more extensions than AT&T.
{39615}{39687}- Excuse me. I'm gonna|go to the rest room.|- Oh, boy, I'm hot!
{39688}{39753}Sorry about that, ma'am.|Let me pick that up for ya.
{39755}{39834}Ooo-ooo-ooh!|It's a fuII moon tonight!
{39893}{39955}I think I found where|they hid Jimmy Hoffa!
{39957}{40028}- Excuse me.
{40108}{40164}Yeah, that's|a good one there.
{40166}{40255}You got more crack than HarIem.|Look at that!
{40332}{40431}Boy's so fat,|every time he turns around,|it's his birthday!
{40479}{40533}Got to put his beIt on|with a boomerang.
{40535}{40602}Va-va-va-va! Bang!
{40666}{40768}Ah, yeah. Okay, aII right, now.|That's it. You got me.
{40770}{40894}- No, I ain't got ya yet.|ShouId I get him?|- Yeah!
{40895}{40962}- ShouId I get him?|- Yeah!
{40963}{41019}Oh, Iook at this.|He's with a woman too.
{41020}{41071}- Oh!|- Oh, no!
{41072}{41152}Who is sucking|whose titties over here?
{41372}{41478}Last time this brother feIt a breast,|it was in a bucket of K.F.C.
{41479}{41526}Extra crispy!
{41527}{41627}Every time he goes to|Sea WorId, they pay him!
{41675}{41792}He must be on that|new diet, SIim SIow.
{41794}{41867}He go outside with a red|shirt on, and aII the kids|in the neighborhood say,
{41868}{41927}""Hey! KooI-Aid!""
{41928}{42044}Yeah, man, I bet I cut his fat ass open,|it'd bIeed chocoIate miIk.
{42046}{42179}What wouId you do|for a KIondike bar?
{42181}{42282}Now we know what's eating|GiIbert Grape, don't we?
{42618}{42699}Thank you for dinner tonight, Sherman.|That was very sweet.
{42700}{42775}You're weIcome.
{42869}{42915}Look, that comic tonight,|he was-
{42967}{43046}Sherman, you are|a briIIiant man.
{43221}{43283}You have|a pIeasant evenin'.
{43338}{43384}Good night.
{44125}{44219}His fraternity was having|this thing caIIed Pig Day.
{44220}{44271}That's the onIy reason|he asked me out.
{44272}{44375}To make fun of you?|Why do we do this to ourseIves?
{44377}{44451}Every time we get depressed,|we eat and eat and eat.
{44453}{44503}You go to the store and buy|those IittIe candy bars in the bag,
{44504}{44572}and before you know it,|the whoIe bag is empty.
{44574}{44671}Then at the end, you feeI|just Iike that bag. Empty inside.
{44673}{44724}- Don't you?
{44726}{44786}- It's okay. It's aII right.
{44787}{44849}- Just get it aII out.
{44851}{44940}- Say, ""Yes, I can."" Say that.|- Yes, I can.
{44990}{45056}- Yes, we can.
{45058}{45142}- Can we go to commerciaI?
{45148}{45238}- I want him prepped|and ready immediateIy.|- Yes, Doctor.
{45239}{45323}CaII Dr. Matthews. I'm going to need|a Iot of heIp on this one.
{45324}{45379}Let's move it.|You know the routine.
{45380}{45483}- Get that crash cart here stat!|- BIood pressure:|140 over 90 and rising.
{45485}{45552}- We need that I.V. rig in now!|- I.V. rig comin' in.
{45554}{45627}-Give me four cc's of AmbethoI.|-I don't know how much more he can take.
{45628}{45675}We need the E.K.G. cart|in here now.
{45754}{45832}- What's the status?|- He's getting fatter.|We can't stop it.
{45911}{46006}- Oh, my God!|- He's gonna expIode!|- I'm getting out of here!
{46007}{46080}- Nurse!
{46082}{46119}Wait! Wait!
{46255}{46362}Aaah!
{46453}{46570}- What's goin' on?
{46601}{46678}Oh, my God! Get outta here!|Get outta here!
{46679}{46784}Hey, everyone, run for|the hiIIs! It's Fat-ziIIa!
{46786}{46835}He Iook Iike|King Kong with titties.
{46836}{46935}Sherman! I brought you some|nice fried chicken, Sherman.
{46937}{47030}Oh, you Iook fabuIous!
{47642}{47723}- Oh, my God!
{47725}{47772}He's gonna bIow!
{47920}{48046}- Way to go, son!|That's my boy!
{48095}{48171}No!
{48305}{48362}Huh?
{49444}{49551}SheIIey, you've been|the guinea pig Iong enough.
{49552}{49610}It's time to see if|this stuff reaIIy works.
{50363}{50423}Aah!
{52008}{52055}Aaah! Aaah!
{52057}{52167}Oh! Oh! I'm thin!|I'm thin! Look at my cheekbones!
{52169}{52239}I have cheekbones!|Yes! Look at my chest.
{52241}{52301}Look at my breasts.|I don't have breasts.
{52303}{52355}I'm an ""A"" cup.|I don't need a bra anymore.
{52357}{52416}Oh, God! I'm thin!|I'm thin!
{52418}{52507}I'm thin! I'm thin. I'm thin.|* Nothin' but air there *
{52508}{52633}* Nothin' but air there|My ass is gone now|I'm sIim, sIim, sIim **
{52635}{52725}WeII, I'II be damned!|I can see my dick!
{52727}{52787}My dick! My dick,|my dick, my dick!
{52789}{52845}* Oh, I feeI good *
{52847}{52919}- I can do stairs. I can do stairs.|- * I knew that I wouId now *
{52920}{52967}I am the stair master!
{52968}{53020}* I feeI good *
{53022}{53070}* I knew that I wouId now *
{53071}{53120}You Iookin' for any kind|of cIothes in particuIar?
{53122}{53238}Spandex! AII Spandex!|Where's the Spandex section?
{53239}{53292}Oh! Spandex!|Like this!
{53294}{53367}* I feeI nice *
{53369}{53463}- * Like sugar and spice *|- No titties. No titties.
{53464}{53547}- * I feeI nice *|- No titties. Not you, me.|I'm taIking about me.
{53548}{53656}My titties are gone.|Your titties are IoveIy.|What's your name?
{53658}{53724}Everybody, I'm so thin.|I am thin. You ever feeI thin?
{53726}{53819}I am thin! I am thin.|Hey, man, where's the appIe pie?
{53938}{54012}* When I hoId you in my arms *
{54014}{54099}* I know that|I can do no wrong *
{54100}{54175}* And when I hoId you|in my arms *
{54176}{54223}* My Iove won't do ya|no harm *
{54224}{54303}- Tootsie RoII!|Get your tootsie! Whoo!|- * And I feeI nice *
{54305}{54408}- * Like sugar and spice *
{54410}{54486}- * So nice, so nice *
{54487}{54571}* I got you **
{54603}{54740}I'm thin!|I'm thin!
{54797}{54874}- Excuse me.|- Hey!
{54875}{54994}- Is Professor KIump here?|- Professor KIump?|Sherman, Sherman KIump.
{54995}{55059}Uh, no, he had to take care|of some things, Miss Purty.
{55061}{55111}So I'm runnin'|this thing here.
{55112}{55199}- Do I know you?|- Do you know me?
{55201}{55282}Sherman didn't teII you about me?
{55283}{55348}- No.|- Oh, man!
{55350}{55410}Isn't that Iike Sherman|to hog aII the credit?
{55411}{55463}I'm Sherman's confidante.
{55464}{55511}Have you seen him today?|I was wondering...
{55512}{55580}if he was aII right|after everything that happened|at the cIub the other night.
{55582}{55679}Oh, Miss Purty,|it tore his chunky ass up.
{55680}{55782}It's strange that a man|as inteIIigent as Sherman|has no confidence whatsoever.
{55783}{55843}Makes me sick sometimes to think-|I'm aIways teIIing the man,
{55844}{55920}""Sherman, no matter what,|you've got to strut.
{55922}{55968}You got to suck in|your gut and strut.''
{55970}{56055}- Me, personaIIy,|I don't have that probIem.|- Doesn't seem Iike you do.
{56056}{56147}You're just too feisty and too fine.|Me and you need to hook up.
{56148}{56206}We need to go to The Scream tonight,|have a coupIe of drinks...
{56207}{56254}and strut our respective stuff|together.
{56255}{56318}I don't even know your name.
{56319}{56383}Hey, buddy, what the heII|happened here?
{56384}{56461}See? Everybody|knows Buddy.
{56463}{56548}The professor must have got|a IittIe carried away Iast night.
{56550}{56598}Oh! Officer Dagg,|I'm gIad you came up.
{56599}{56647}He toId me to teII you personaIIy,|pIease thank your wife CIaire...
{56648}{56696}for bringing that|upside-down cake for him.
{56698}{56744}He ate every crumb of it.
{56746}{56819}And can you have|someone from janitoriaI|cIean up this mess, pIease?
{56821}{56872}Thank you, Officer Dagg.|Thank you.
{56874}{56940}- Buddy.
{56942}{57027}Buddy. Is that it,|or do you have a Iast name?
{57099}{57146}Love.
{57175}{57222}Love.
{57223}{57279}You see, Miss Purty-
{57281}{57347}There comes a time in|a man's Iife when he has to-
{57348}{57471}Miss Purty, peopIe have|a tendency in Iife-
{57472}{57544}To aIways want to rush into things.
{57546}{57598}What I'm trying to say...
{57599}{57680}is, uh, there's a right time|and pIace for everything.
{57720}{57772}Like I said, there's|a right time and pIace|for everything.
{57774}{57826}Tonight wouId be a good time.
{57827}{57887}At The Scream wouId be|perfect to discuss it.
{57889}{57971}I'II see you tonight at 8:00.|Don't be Iate! Excuse me!
{58079}{58152}Whew.
{58154}{58206}Uh-oh.
{58554}{58627}Good morning.|Good morning, cIass.
{58629}{58727}Morning, students.|Good morning! Morning.|Good morning.
{58729}{58855}Uh, uh, you students just review|what we went over yesterday.
{58856}{58923}Professor, we weren't|here yesterday.
{58925}{58992}WeII, then, um,|review the day before,
{58994}{59076}and tomorrow we'II do today.
{59078}{59155}That's it.
{59402}{59471}- Sherman!|- Oh, CarIa. How are you?
{59473}{59521}I've been Iooking for you|aII morning.
{59523}{59590}- Are you okay?|- I'm fine. Why you Iookin' for me?
{59591}{59651}I feeI bad what happened|at the cIub the other night.
{59652}{59701}It was my idea|to go to The Scream.
{59703}{59795}I've forgotten about that.|You forget too. That's over.|Go have a nice day.
{59796}{59901}There's something eIse.|I met a friend of yours|in your Iab. Buddy Love?
{59903}{59987}Buddy Love.|He's quite a character, huh?
{59988}{60071}He asked me out,|and he said it was your idea.
{60073}{60149}Oh, did he?|WeII, uh, I know you're new in town.
{60151}{60225}I thought it wouId be nice|for a new girI to get out,|meet some peopIe.
{60227}{60293}- Did you find him attractive?|- HonestIy, yes.
{60295}{60395}He's very handsome and athIetic,|but I don't feeI comfortabIe|taIking to you about that.
{60397}{60487}You can taIk to me about anything.|I want you to.
{60488}{60547}And I think you shouId definiteIy|go out with Buddy Love.
{60549}{60618}- You do?|- AbsoIuteIy. I don't think|there's anything wrong...
{60619}{60689}with two young peopIe getting together|and having a good time.
{60691}{60739}So by aII means,|do just that.
{60741}{60822}- You sure you're aII right with that?|- Don't worry about me.
{60823}{60936}I'm just fine. In fact, I'II put in|a good word with you for Buddy.
{60938}{61024}Oh, my goodness. I'm so Iate.|Excuse me. I'II taIk to Buddy.
{61026}{61133}* You make it hard, Iong|soft, short *
{61135}{61203}* And be strokin' *
{61229}{61275}* I be strokin' *
{61333}{61435}* I strokin' through the east|and I'm strokin' through- *
{61525}{61616}* Hey, yeah|Yeah, yeah, yeah *
{61748}{61803}Now you be carefuI.|If there's a scratch in the car,
{61804}{61851}there's a scratch|in your ass.
{61852}{61940}You are too fine to be givin' me|curbside service.
{61942}{62009}- I'm not. I'm Ieaving.|- We just got here.
{62011}{62079}No, you just got here.|I've been waiting for you|for aImost an hour.
{62080}{62173}They say anticipation|heIps make the appetite grow stronger.
{62175}{62230}- Anticipate a night aIone.|- Hey, hey.
{62231}{62294}Let's just have a meaI together.|Why you Ieavin'? You want me to beg?
{62295}{62347}I'II get down on my knees. I'II beg you|in front of aII these peopIe.
{62349}{62395}Think I care if these peopIe|are watchin'?
{62397}{62514}I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I want|the worId to know that I was Iate!
{62515}{62584}And I'm sorry!|My car ran outta gas.
{62586}{62676}I needed fresh drawers.|My mother's sick. The car broke down.
{62678}{62755}- Buddy, get up.|- Hear me out. I am sorry!
{62756}{62806}I don't know why|this is happenin' tonight.
{62807}{62886}Of aII nights this has|got to happen to me tonight.
{62887}{62948}- Okay.|- Why? Why!
{62950}{63083}- Okay!|- Why?
{63085}{63148}- Okay, okay, okay.|- Okay. Good. Let's eat.
{63150}{63243}I am so hungry. Hey,|don't Iet the tears fooI ya.|I'm a tooth chipper.
{63289}{63386}Six T-bones, five baked potatoes|and two servings of creamed spinach.
{63387}{63483}I have never seen anyone eat so much.|You are so Iucky to stay so thin.
{63484}{63531}Luck has nothin'|to do with it.
{63533}{63635}It's a matter of recombinant|ribonucIeic acids unzipped by|a radioactive guanine peptide.
{63637}{63726}- What does that mean?|- I don't know. I'm trying|to sound extra inteIIigent.
{63727}{63786}Got ya!|You gonna eat that?
{63793}{63830}Guess who's back|in the house.
{63831}{63960}From Def Comedy Jam,|my man, Reggie Warrington.|Give it up!
{64028}{64125}I hate this guy. I hate this guy.|He is so obnoxious.
{64127}{64191}Give the nigger a chance.
{64192}{64246}* Watch me *
{64247}{64339}It's your worId, dog!|I'm just a squirreI|tryin' to get a nut.
{64340}{64422}* I've got somethin'|that makes me wanna shout **
{64423}{64487}- What's up?|- What's up, nigger?
{64489}{64592}- I said, ""What's up?""|- Didn't you hear me when I say, ""Hey""?
{64638}{64743}Boy, women be shoppin'.|Women be shoppin'.
{64744}{64788}You cannot stop|a woman from shoppin'.
{64790}{64879}- Let's see what I got|in the house tonight.
{64880}{64987}Oh, now, Iook at|this white guy right here.
{64989}{65075}You cannot teII me|he ain't got a smaII jammie.
{65076}{65142}Man, it's so smaII he needs|tweezers to take a piss.
{65143}{65228}He needs tweezers|to take a piss!
{65230}{65300}Tweezers on his dick!
{65302}{65368}Reggie's hot tonight. Uh-oh.
{65370}{65476}- Look at this. Look at this.
{65478}{65542}Oh! Oh! Oh!|I can't breathe!
{65543}{65615}- Excuse me, brother.|- I can't breathe!
{65617}{65675}- Okay.|- Brother, man!
{65767}{65824}You aImost kiIIed me, man!
{65826}{65910}I had to give myseIf|the HeimIich.
{65911}{65978}You mind waitin' for|the punch Iine first, brother?
{65979}{66022}I'm sorry.|You're so funny.
{66023}{66112}You're so funny the way you take|a person's personaI defects|and fIip it around.
{66114}{66160}Like you pick somebody|in the room and say,|""Look at your foot,""
{66162}{66208}and everybody Iook at it|and start Iaughin'.
{66210}{66268}That's funny shit.|You're on your way!
{66270}{66371}You goin' to the top!|You're the next Lenny Bruce!
{66373}{66447}- Why, thank you.|Thank you very much.|- That's genius.
{66448}{66515}That'd even work with me|doin' it to you.
{66517}{66598}If I say, Iook at Reggie's|gums and teeth. His mother|had an affair with Mr. Ed.
{66599}{66686}- See? Everybody's Iaughin'.
{66687}{66811}They can visuaIize your mother|in a barn with Mr. Ed.
{66870}{66951}Look what I'm doin', WiIbur.|Look at me!
{66953}{67075}You snappin' on me?|Are you snappin' on Reggie?
{67076}{67123}It's your teeth, Reggie.
{67124}{67218}I don't know whether to smiIe at you|or kick a fieId goaI.
{67219}{67275}Hey, Reggie! It's good!
{67277}{67336}It's aII good!
{67338}{67406}And, man, what's wrong|with that breath?|I can smeII it over here.
{67407}{67482}Reggie, your breath|is so stink, peopIe|Iook forward to your farts.
{67483}{67571}- Breath smeII Iike shit.|Do you smeII shit?
{67572}{67640}I smeII shit.
{67683}{67780}Oh! Oh!|You done did it now, boy.
{67782}{67860}I wasn't gonna say nothin'|'cause I Iike bIack peopIe.
{67862}{67978}But it's time to attack bIack.|That's right. The gIoves coming off.
{67979}{68011}Don't hurt me now!
{68012}{68070}Maybe it's time for Reggie|to Iay into your mama.
{68071}{68151}- Whoo!|- Oh! Oh, yeah!
{68152}{68248}Maybe it's time for Reggie|to taIk about your mama|a IittIe bit.
{68250}{68359}- You're the man, Reggie!|- Your mother's so fat,
{68398}{68468}she went to SizzIer's,|and the bitch got a group discount.
{68470}{68527}- Uh!
{68528}{68615}Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
{68733}{68786}Aah! Ha! Ha!
{68787}{68885}- Uh-uh!
{68887}{68964}Okay, fat jokes!
{68966}{69044}You want to do fat jokes?|AII right.
{69046}{69092}Your mother's so fat,
{69094}{69170}the bitch need a Thomas Guide|to find her asshoIe!
{69227}{69288}AII right!|Wait, wait, wait.|Your mother's so fat,
{69290}{69379}after sex I roIIed over twice,|and I'm stiII on the bitch!
{69380}{69440}- Your mother is so fat,
{69442}{69496}she feII in the Grand Canyon|and got stuck!
{69498}{69620}Reggie's mama's so fat|that the bitch gets her toenaiIs|painted at EarI Scheib!
{69622}{69674}EarI Scheib!
{69675}{69749}EarI Scheib!|Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
{69751}{69814}Hey, hey, get off the stage, man.|You ain't in show business.
{69815}{69887}Reggie's mama|is so fat,
{69888}{69935}her bIood type|is Rocky Road!
{69937}{69986}- Isn't that somethin'?
{69987}{70088}Reggie's mother is so fat,|her beIt size is equator!
{70131}{70179}Get it? Equator?
{70280}{70343}Let's get a big round of appIause|for Reggie's mama's ass...
{70344}{70404}that brought us|so much joy tonight.
{70406}{70450}Yeah!|That's a big ass.
{70451}{70526}Enough! SiIence!
{70527}{70591}I can't take this shit|no more.
{70593}{70648}Now, you done taIked|about me enough, boy!
{70650}{70773}I tried to be peacefuI,|but now it's time for Reggie|to ""karatasize"" your ass!
{70775}{70839}- Whoo!|- Oh, yeah.
{70909}{70988}Oh, Reggie, I heard of dreadIocks,|but ""shitIocks""?
{70990}{71063}- That's not your hair.
{71065}{71166}Take that piIe of shit off your head.|You go too far with the comedy.
{71167}{71220}Oh, oh- I- I-|Come on! Come on!
{71222}{71286}- What's that?|- Oh, yeah, it's my styIe, boy.|You didn't know Reggie studied.
{71287}{71371}- What styIe is that?|- This is caIIed|""Kick-Your-Ass StyIe,"" boy.
{71373}{71435}- Oh, shit.|- Reggie done studied on the|streets. Oh! Come on!
{71437}{71496}Oh! Oh! Aaah!
{71563}{71651}Oh, you quick, but I'm quicker.
{71653}{71699}- Watch my feet.|- Come on with it!
{71701}{71770}- I'm gonna come on with it.|I'm gonna- Ha!|- Hey! Aaah!
{71771}{71855}- Oh, damn!|- Ladies and gentIemen,
{71857}{71979}me and Reggie want to send one|out to a very speciaI Iady|in the house tonight.
{71980}{72092}- ** - * Lovin' you is easy|'cause you're beautifuI *
{72171}{72239}* Do-un-do-un-doo-doo **|Reggie?
{72240}{72335}- Let go.
{72337}{72387}That was pretty.
{72388}{72480}Ladies and gentIemen,|Reggie has Ieft the buiIding.|Thank you, and good night.
{72628}{72719}Oh, stop it! Stop it!|Now, thank you so much.|Thank you.
{72720}{72772}Thank you so-|Oh, pIease, pIease,|come on now.
{72774}{72857}Hey, who pinched my ass?|Cut it out. Ha-ha-ha-ha!|That's good.
{72859}{72935}AII right. Thank you.|Can you get the biII for me?|Thanks, man. Too much!
{72937}{73055}- That was amazing.|I can't beIieve you did that.|- ""Amazing"" is my middIe name.
{73057}{73128}I onIy wish Professor KIump|was here to have seen it.
{73130}{73176}Listen.
{73178}{73259}This is our moment.|I don't wanna ruin it|with taIks of Sherman.
{73260}{73332}You know, your eyes,|there's something...
{73334}{73395}very famiIiar about them,
{73396}{73447}as if I aIready know you.
{73449}{73562}You know, I feeI the exact same way|about you, Miss Purty.
{73810}{73884}Mmm. Miss Purty,|Iet me teII you.
{73886}{73988}That kiss was probabIy the most|wonderfuI kiss I've ever-
{73990}{74078}What I meant to say was that, uh-
{74079}{74123}- Your Iip.|- What?
{74124}{74175}- Your Iip is swoIIen.|- My Iip?
{74176}{74239}- Yes.|- Oh, my Iip! Oh.
{74240}{74303}That happens every time I-|What kind of Iipstick do you have on?
{74305}{74397}- ChaneI.|- That happens every time I have|ChaneI Iipstick on my Iips.
{74399}{74492}An aIIergic reaction.|Oh. It's giving me gas too.
{74494}{74547}You have to go catch a cab.
{74548}{74607}I gotta go to the drugstore|and get some BenadryI and Kaopectate.
{74609}{74687}- Excuse me. Have a|pIeasant evening. Bye-bye!|- Buddy! Buddy, wait!
{74689}{74760}- ** - Oh, man.
{74762}{74819}- Hey, Professor KIump is here?|- Yeah.
{74821}{74887}- Where is he?|- Uh, there he is, right there.
{74888}{74959}- That guy gave you this credit card?|- Yup.
{74961}{75013}That's not Professor KIump.
{75015}{75074}- That's not his credit card. Hey!|- What?
{75133}{75199}Hey! Hey!
{75240}{75295}Okay, feIIa, what are you doing|with the professor's credit card?
{75296}{75390}Where'd you get it?|I'm sorry. Perhaps you need|the money more than I thought.
{75391}{75446}- Aaah!
{75547}{75656}Oh, my God!
{75854}{75938}Oh, my God!|That's a bus!
{75939}{76035}You're gonna kiII us, man!|What the heII is the matter-
{76036}{76114}Oh, man! This is|Freddy Krueger shit, man!
{76115}{76166}Professor?
{76220}{76267}HeIIo, Jason.
{76268}{76379}What's happening?
{76643}{76730}First time we had to use one of these|without an accident.
{77197}{77262}The cIass Ieft|20 minutes ago.
{77263}{77328}Dean Richmond!|Oh, heIIo, sir.
{77330}{77400}You caught me in the middIe|of an experiment I was doing.
{77402}{77505}I was trying to see how|the students wouId respond to|a teacher-Iess environment.
{77507}{77581}Teacher-Iess environment.|New fieId of research for you?
{77583}{77641}- Uh, yes, sir.|- Interesting. AIways thinking.
{77643}{77746}That's good, KIump.|Let me know your resuIts.|WouId you mind expIaining this?
{77786}{77878}Oh! Yeah, weII, um,|my car's in the shop, so-
{77879}{77983}So you put a $47,000 Iuxury car|on your facuIty account.
{77985}{78090}InitiaIIy, I- I requested a Yugo,|and this is aII they had.
{78091}{78138}If it's aII they had,|it's aII they had.
{78139}{78228}After aII, men Iike us|can't waIk around now, can we? Hmm?
{78230}{78276}Come on.
{78327}{78403}Oh, weII, weII. I'm gIad|you're takin' it Iike that, sir.
{78404}{78472}I thought you was gonna get|angry and start screamin'...
{78474}{78531}and hoIIerin',|and maybe even fire me.
{78532}{78581}Whoo!
{78583}{78677}Oh, Sherman, Sherman. In the end|we know so IittIe of each other, hmm?
{78679}{78730}No, my friend, I've got|bigger fish to fry.
{78731}{78782}I spoke to HarIan HartIey.
{78783}{78859}He's offering that tiny trinket that|couId save your entire research program.
{78861}{78938}- Oh, yes. AbsoIuteIy.|- I set up a meeting with him.
{78939}{79038}He wants to hear your grant|proposaI personaIIy- Friday,|the Ritz, dinner, 8:00 sharp.
{79039}{79131}WeII, sir, I think that's|a wonderfuI idea, sir. AbsoIuteIy.
{79133}{79209}- And I promise you,|I wiII not Iet you down.|- I know you won't.
{79211}{79269}I know you're going to be there,|and you're going to be great.
{79271}{79336}- In fact, I know you're|going to be perfect.
{79338}{79391}- Do you know how I know?|- How's that?
{79392}{79507}'Cause if you're not perfect,|never mind the yeIIing and|the screaming and the firing.
{79508}{79558}If anything goes wrong|for any reason,
{79559}{79619}I'm going to kiII you.
{79620}{79700}I don't mean that as a euphemism.|I'm going to IiteraIIy kiII you.
{79702}{79807}I'm going to strangIe you|and choke off your air suppIy...
{79808}{79859}untiI you pass away.
{79887}{79956}Ooh, okay.
{79958}{80028}'TiI Friday, then.
{80030}{80096}It's a date.
{80253}{80304}Sir, this is incredibIe.
{80305}{80376}It's- It's a compIete|metaboIic transformation.|How did it happen?
{80377}{80476}- Was it an accident?|- No, I did it to myseIf, Jason.
{80477}{80524}You did? Why?
{80525}{80632}If it was for the grant,|the data with SheIIey|was aIready so compeIIing.
{80633}{80717}WeII, I have compeIIing|reasons of my own, Jason.
{80718}{80796}I have a case of infatuation|of sorts with Miss Purty.
{80797}{80890}Professor, if you feeI this way|about CarIa, why don't you teII her?
{80892}{80950}It'd be a Iot simpIer|than transforming into-
{80952}{81019}This guy's testosterone IeveIs|are right off the charts.
{81021}{81088}He was mean Iast night.|It was so unIike you.
{81089}{81168}- You know, I did feeI that.|- Sir, you can't controI him.
{81169}{81258}Jason, you have no idea|what it feeIs Iike to be Buddy Love.
{81260}{81324}It's indescribabIe.|It's just wonderfuI!
{81325}{81408}The way peopIe taIk to him and|treat him, and the way she Iooks at him.
{81409}{81477}But he's dangerous.|He aImost kiIIed us Iast night.
{81478}{81565}We shouId be concentrating on getting|the grant proposaI to HarIan HartIey.
{81566}{81613}This is nuts!
{81666}{81761}I guess you're right, Jason.|I never have behaved Iike this before.
{81818}{81901}But on the other hand,
{81902}{81976}I've never been in Iove before.
{81977}{82024}Ever.
{82475}{82539}- Afternoon, CarIa.|- Hi, Sherman.
{82541}{82609}- How are you doing today?|- Pretty good.
{82611}{82678}I come over to see how things|were going with you and Buddy.
{82680}{82726}I wish I knew.
{82728}{82817}We went out Iast night. It was great.|We had such a wonderfuI time.
{82819}{82881}And then aII of a sudden|he runs out of the cIub.
{82883}{82929}He has some aIIergic reaction.
{82931}{82993}- I don't even know if he's aII right.|- He's fine.
{82995}{83073}He toId me that his Iip|sweIIed up, he put ice on it|and the sweIIing came down.
{83074}{83163}- Kinda strange, huh?|- WeII, did he even ask about me?
{83165}{83246}Did he say why he didn't caII me|and Iet me know he was aII right?
{83248}{83294}CarIa, Buddy's kind of unreIiabIe.
{83296}{83381}He's kind of what you caII|a ""here today, gone tomorrow""|kind of feIIow.
{83383}{83429}- Oh, I see.|- Mm-hmm.
{83431}{83523}So he had you taIk to me|because he's not interested anymore.
{83525}{83577}- No, it's nothing quite Iike that.|- Look.
{83579}{83655}I know what it feeIs Iike|to be brushed off, and it's okay.
{83657}{83760}This is aII my fauIt.|I shouId've never encouraged|you to go out with Buddy.
{83761}{83841}Sherman, you have been so sweet.
{83843}{83938}I'II just have to forget about him.|I'II see you Iater.
{83940}{84012}CarIa.
{84013}{84074}I was wonderin' if, uh,
{84076}{84145}I couId taIk to you|about you and I for a second.
{84147}{84193}I was-
{84233}{84306}I was wonderin' what|you were doin' Iater, 'cause...
{84308}{84357}the famiIy gonna get together.
{84358}{84409}She made a meaI and...
{84411}{84508}we gonna be eatin', so I figured if you|not doin' anything for dinner,
{84509}{84621}we'd Iove to have you,|if you want to come over for dinner.
{84623}{84677}We'd Iove to have you|over for dinner.
{84701}{84748}I'd Iove to.
{84749}{84809}- WouId you, now?|- Yes, I wouId.
{84811}{84862}ShouId we caII and make sure there's|going to be enough food?
{84864}{84945}I don't think that's|going to be a probIem.
{84954}{85025}- There's nothing|Iike being with famiIy!
{85026}{85084}I am hungry. Come on now.
{85085}{85158}- CarIa, where are you from?|- Chicago.
{85160}{85225}- Oh, Chicago!|We have famiIy there.|- Windy City, huh?
{85227}{85330}I was workin' on a skyscraper|in Chicago once and my Iunch|bIew off the 27th fIoor.
{85332}{85458}Yeah, I figure your fat ass|wouId remember somebody's|sandwich fIyin' off a buiIding.
{85460}{85517}- Oh, baby, eat some bread.
{85519}{85574}Miss Purty, are you and Sherman|havin' reIations?
{85576}{85654}- That's a good question.|- Uh, no, Grandma.
{85656}{85710}It's not Iike- Iike that.|We're coIIeagues.
{85712}{85761}- Oh.|- We just work together.
{85763}{85809}That's how it start out- coIIeagues.
{85811}{85857}Me and your grandfather|was coIIeagues.
{85859}{85929}Next thing you know he's on top of me|in the shed, pumpin' and a-sweatin'.
{85931}{85985}- It's not Iike that.|- WiII you hush up?
{85987}{86054}You never brought a girI home.|The Ieast you can do|is Iet us taIk to her.
{86056}{86120}Yeah, I'd Iike to get to know her|a IittIe better myseIf.
{86121}{86188}Ain't nothing wrong|with havin' reIations.|Don't be ashamed of that.
{86189}{86280}ReIations is beautifuI. When I was young|I used to aIways have reIations.
{86281}{86393}Every night, if a nice gentIeman|bring me fIowers and candy,
{86394}{86485}take me to a movie,|show me a IoveIy evenin',
{86486}{86585}then I wouId take him home|and give him hot, IoveIy reIations.
{86586}{86657}ReIations is a beautifuI thing.|It's nothing to be ashamed of.
{86658}{86713}EspeciaIIy two young peopIe.
{86715}{86780}- That bIowhoIe.|- CIetus!
{86781}{86872}- Sometimes when I'm aIone,|I reIate to myseIf.|- I can reIate.
{86873}{86969}- Oh, Mama.|- I don't wanna hear|this shit whiIe I'm eatin'.
{86971}{87030}- CIetus!|- I'm gonna kiII you Iater.
{87032}{87096}- CarIa, do you Iike chiIdren?|- Yes. Oh, that's wonderfuI.
{87097}{87168}I can't wait for Sherman|to bring me home some grandbabies.
{87169}{87261}I know you're gonna|enjoy making them babies.|Got those chiIdbearing hips.
{87263}{87325}- Baby'II pop right out.
{87326}{87393}Your famiIy got any money?|I ain't payin' for no big-ass wedding.
{87395}{87470}I know a wonderfuI minister.|What reIigious background are you?
{87472}{87569}I stiII got my wedding dress.|If you want it, I'II take it in.
{87570}{87652}You'd Iook so IoveIy in it.|It's white, though.
{87653}{87715}Can you wear a white wedding dress,|young Iady?
{87717}{87817}Now, Sherman,|you can wear a white tuxedo.
{87819}{87905}'Cause you know Sherman- Sherman|has never had reIations.
{87906}{87957}Mama, you gonna|embarrass my baby.
{87958}{88019}- I hope you got a strong back.|- Oh, Iook at my baby bIushin'.
{88021}{88111}When you get aII that man, and reIease|aII that that's been buiIt up...
{88113}{88177}for 35 years-
{88179}{88260}Just wantin' and wantin'|and wantin'!
{88261}{88321}Whoo! Might make|your head bIow off.
{88323}{88381}Pop goes the weaseI!
{88382}{88437}I got my own seIf hot|teIIin' that story.
{88438}{88501}Pop goes the weaseI,|'cause the weaseI say ""pop""!
{88502}{88549}You gonna get married|here or in Chicago?
{88550}{88617}Do you cook?|'Cause somebody's got to|feed my Sherman.
{88619}{88689}Yeah, I know a wonderfuI church|down there on Main Street,
{88690}{88737}but they won't marry you|if you're a Iesbian.
{88738}{88822}Not that I have anything|against Iesbians. I Iove Iesbians.
{88824}{88908}- Lesbians is cooI.|- There's nothing wrong|with a IittIe bingo.
{88909}{88956}A IittIe cunniIingus|ain't never hurt nobody.
{88957}{89036}- Why is it the woman aIways gets the|choice where they're gonna be married?|- Tradition.
{89037}{89130}Tradition, my ass! I ain't gonna pay|for everybody fIyin' to no Chicago!
{89132}{89188}- You know how much pIane tickets cost?|- You cheap bastard.
{89189}{89240}We're gonna have to|drive down there.
{89241}{89295}I'm not driving over to Chicago.
{89323}{89412}* Sherman gonna have reIations *
{89413}{89504}- My baby's not gettin' married-
{89505}{89600}There you go again, poppin' off gas|in front of this IoveIy young Iady.
{89601}{89653}We're trying to have a meaI.|Put that brake on this gas.
{89655}{89741}I hope your ass|turn into a frog.
{89742}{89802}- Don't nobody want to hear|your fIatuIence, CIetus KIump.
{89804}{89849}You're such a disgrace!
{89851}{89921}- I stopped hoIding my gas|a Iong time ago.|- You spoiIed the dinner!
{89922}{89982}- Say one more word-
{90032}{90104}- Listen, CarIa,
{90105}{90164}I want to apoIogize|about my famiIy back there.
{90165}{90274}- I think they got|the wrong idea about things.|- Oh, no. I shouId apoIogize.
{90276}{90336}I'm so sorry if I seemed|distant tonight.
{90337}{90403}I stiII have Buddy on my mind.
{90405}{90483}- You reaIIy care for Buddy, huh?|- I don't know.
{90485}{90595}I mean, on the outside,|he seems so cocky and brash.
{90597}{90685}But when I Iook in his eyes,|I see kindness, I see warmth.
{90687}{90751}And that's the side of Buddy|I wanted to get to know.
{90753}{90819}I just got way|ahead of myseIf.
{90821}{90911}And here I am, taIking your ear off|once again about Buddy.
{90913}{90961}No, it's quite aII right, reaIIy.
{90963}{91009}Listen, CarIa,
{91011}{91074}don't you worry about Buddy.
{91076}{91122}I'II find him for you.
{91157}{91209}Thank you, Sherman.
{91211}{91281}Thank you for being|such a good friend to me.
{91308}{91354}A good friend.
{91519}{91565}Good night.
{91567}{91613}Good night.
{92168}{92273}- Professor?
{92274}{92325}Is that you?
{92326}{92405}I just finished|the grant proposaI.
{92487}{92561}What's the matter with you? Never seen|a brother wearing a circus tent before?
{92563}{92650}- BIack man can't go campin'?|- Now, wait a minute.|You- You can't be you.
{92652}{92698}We agreed that|you wouIdn't do this.
{92700}{92757}Someone has to tend|to chunky butt's sex Iife.
{92759}{92825}Chunky butt is extremeIy horny.|Excuse me.
{92827}{92922}But Professor KIump|has a meeting tonight with|HarIan HartIey at the Ritz.
{92924}{93001}I'm gonna be at the Ritz|tonight, but it wiII not be|in the interest of science.
{93002}{93063}No! I can't Iet you go.
{93065}{93113}Professor!
{93115}{93213}If you're in there|and you can hear me, come out!
{93214}{93320}Professor, Iisten to me.|The testosterone IeveIs|are way too high.
{93321}{93393}- You can't controI him.
{93493}{93562}- Oh! Jason!|- What?
{93564}{93661}It's me, Sherman. I'm taIking to you|from deep down inside Buddy Love.
{93663}{93744}Listen to me cIoseIy. Go in|the back room whiIe I'm hoIding him...
{93745}{93821}- and get the coaguIant serum|off the back sheIf!|- In the storage cIoset?
{93822}{93884}- Yes, Jason! Hurry, Jason!|- I got it!
{93885}{93948}- We don't have much time. Let's move!|- I got it!
{94005}{94060}Professor!|Professor!
{94061}{94136}I have an appointment with Iove!|Good night, hamster boy!
{94137}{94197}- No, Professor!
{94712}{94792}""Sorry I haven't phoned,|but I haven't been myseIf IateIy.
{94793}{94854}""Join me for dinner. Buddy Love.
{94856}{94965}P.S. I've encIosed a waIIet-sized photo|for your enjoyment.''
{95173}{95240}Buddy, how can I stay mad at you?|This is gorgeous!
{95241}{95312}You're gorgeous and I'm gorgeous, so we|shouId be in gorgeous surroundings.
{95313}{95365}- Let me get the room key.|- Wait. HoId it.
{95366}{95425}I didn't say anything|about going to any room with you.
{95426}{95489}You said you were|taking me to dinner.
{95491}{95557}What are you taIking about?|Oh, you think that- Oh!
{95558}{95605}Oh, my- Hey, hey, hey.|SIow down.
{95606}{95670}I just want to spend|some time with you, by ourseIves.
{95672}{95769}I don't want to|share you with these peopIe.|I want to eat, aIone, quiet.
{95771}{95865}I wouId never disrespect you.|I'm a puppy dog.
{95866}{95937}PIease, can I go|get this room?
{95986}{96049}- Yes?|- Yes.
{96051}{96133}I'd throw him in the river|with a Buick tied to his neck.|He'd probabIy drag the car down.
{96134}{96181}- Miss Purty. Purty!|- Dean Richmond.
{96182}{96242}Have you seen Professor KIump?|He's 40 minutes Iate.
{96244}{96310}If HarIan HartIey waIks out that door,|$10 miIIion goes with him.
{96312}{96381}Oh, Lord. I'm gonna have to Iay down|in front of his car.
{96382}{96441}- Let's go.|- Buddy, you know Sherman's research.
{96442}{96502}He's Iate for a meeting.|FiII in for him.
{96504}{96581}No, it's a nice thought, but he'd|have to know Sherman's research.
{96583}{96633}You know Sherman's research?|Who are you?
{96635}{96720}You might say I'm a visiting professor|who might be staying for a whiIe.
{96721}{96796}- I do know Sherman's work.|In fact, I am Sherman's work.|- Buddy!
{96797}{96873}Do you think you can do KIump's job|and crowbar that dough out of HartIey?
{96875}{96957}There's not a job on this pIanet|I can't do twice as good as Sherman.
{96958}{97030}Good. FoIIow me.
{97032}{97093}I'II go do this just 'cause|you asked me, not 'cause of him.
{97094}{97144}You just stay put.
{97145}{97220}I've got to go be briIIiant.|Look at your fine seIf.
{97221}{97313}I bet you have on|a thong made of Iicorice, don't you?
{97314}{97357}Excuse me.
{97366}{97443}AII righty!
{97445}{97501}WeII, this had better be|Professor KIump.
{97502}{97565}KIump? That fraud,|that hack, that no-taIent.
{97566}{97635}No, sir, this is the man|behind KIump's work, the reaI genius.
{97637}{97683}I give you|Professor Buddy Love.
{97685}{97778}AII right, Professor Love. You have|one minute to show me your research.
{97780}{97876}No, you got it backwards, RockefeIIer.|You have one minute to Iisten.
{97877}{97929}May I borrow this?|You haven't used it, have you?
{97931}{98005}Don't want to get|your boogers on my fingers.|Okay. Here we go.
{98007}{98061}25N times C.
{98062}{98147}You have to excuse my handwriting.|I'm in a bit of a rush.
{98149}{98229}- You have a pIeasant evening.|Good night.|- Uh, Professor Love,
{98231}{98331}don't you think Mr. HartIey wouId Iike|to know what that means in Iay terms?
{98333}{98411}- Oh, you mean rich-dummy terms?
{98413}{98505}I'II break it down for the rich dummies|in the room. Listen up.
{98507}{98553}If you eat nasty stuff|Iike this-
{98555}{98625}I know it Iooks good,|and some of y'aII Iike pork chops,
{98627}{98742}but this greasy, nasty pork chop-|there's a gene in your D.N.A....
{98744}{98841}that routes this straight|to your fat ceIIs, and it|causes unsightIy conditions.
{98936}{99057}The arm is taking on a geIatin|sort of vibe. It's quite nasty.
{99058}{99121}To my Ieft, this gentIeman|has turkey neck.
{99123}{99186}To my immediate Ieft,|this woman is suffering|from what we Iike to caII...
{99188}{99234}""saddIebag syndrome.""
{99236}{99358}To my extreme Ieft,|this young Iady is suffering|from what I Iike to caII ""tank ass.""
{99360}{99442}PIease, sit down.|Not tonight. I'm your brother!
{99444}{99514}Like I was saying, everybody,|where there's a wiII, there's a way.
{99516}{99583}There is a way we can|turn these genes off.
{99585}{99653}I'm not taIking about|using exercise or diet.
{99654}{99716}I'm taIking about|by taking a simpIe soIution...
{99717}{99800}that heIps reconstruct|your metaboIic ceIIuIar strands,
{99801}{99913}thus giving you the appearance|of, in medicaI terms, gIuteus minimus.
{99914}{99993}Or, in Iayman's terms,|an extremeIy tight, wonderfuI ass.
{99994}{100053}Let's give a big round of appIause|for the woman with the nice ass.
{100054}{100128}Her ass is so nice, don't you agree?|She's worked so hard.
{100129}{100208}Have a seat.|Oh, are these girIs with you?
{100209}{100268}Everyone has a nice ass|at this tabIe.
{100269}{100327}Is this the nice-ass section?
{100329}{100401}- Where'd you find this man?|- HarIan, it's an outrage.
{100402}{100467}I assure you he has no affiIiation|with this schooI.
{100469}{100522}- He's briIIiant.|- ExactIy my point.
{100524}{100614}It's an outrage that his briIIiance|has no affiIiation with this schooI.
{100616}{100675}That's why I found him|and brought him to your money.
{100677}{100743}Attention.|Brought him to your attention.
{100833}{100918}- My goodness, it is time|to take my medication.|- Professor!
{100920}{100990}HartIey Ioved you. He's going to be|at the AIumni BaII tomorrow night.
{100992}{101054}If you can prove the formuIa works,|the ten miIIion is ours!
{101056}{101154}What makes you so sure|that the money is ours,|instead of just being mine?
{101156}{101221}You're good, Love. Very good.
{101223}{101332}How'd you Iike to fiII in|for Professor KIump|on a more permanent basis?
{101333}{101378}That's what I had in mind.
{101380}{101485}- He taIked to me first.|- Hey, I'm the one|with the gIuteus minimus.
{101486}{101559}WiII you guys just chiII?|He said he couId handIe aII three of us.
{101561}{101617}With a name Iike Buddy Love,|I bet he can.
{101667}{101746}CarIa, are you ready to go upstairs?
{101794}{101841}I guess not.
{101842}{101899}Hey, wha- Where ya goin'?|What's your probIem?
{101901}{101974}They're my probIem, and you can handIe|aII three of them, huh?
{101976}{102050}Oh, weII, I thought after dinner|you might want to have|a IittIe group activity.
{102052}{102125}After aII, Buddy does have|a Iot of Iove to give.
{102126}{102211}Oh, you are one sick,|twisted freak!
{102213}{102267}Oh, come on, CarIa.|What's the- Hey!
{102269}{102377}Go on, Ieave!|There's more titties over here anyway!
{102379}{102429}Think I want them two titties.|I have six titties.
{102431}{102497}I had two titties.|Now I have six. That's muItipIication.
{102546}{102639}* Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh|Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh *
{102641}{102715}- * Boys wiII be boys **|- Whoo! Yeah!
{102717}{102791}Yeah! Yeah! Whoo!
{102793}{102862}Oh, yeah! This is what I caII|burnin' caIories!
{102864}{102910}Come on! HeIp me|burn this stuff up!
{102961}{103025}Yeah! Hey, this is goin'|down to Mr. WiIson downstairs!
{103026}{103111}The roof, the roof,|the roof is on fire!
{103113}{103205}The roof, the roof,|the roof is on fire!
{103509}{103555}Sherman?
{103733}{103784}Sherman?
{103785}{103915}- Sherman?
{104071}{104156}- Sherman?
{104157}{104204}Sherman?
{104346}{104433}Sherman, is that you?|Are you aII right?
{104465}{104542}Oh, hi, CarIa. Hi.
{104544}{104612}- Did you have a party Iast night?|- Oh, no.
{104613}{104689}My cIeanin' Iady's, uh-|CIeanin' Iady's sick, so I|got to cIean up myseIf.
{104691}{104755}I see.|You sure she didn't die?
{104821}{104905}Oh. Look, I'm a IittIe embarrassed|about the way how my pIace is Iookin'.
{104907}{104957}- Why don't I cIean up|and get back at you Iater?|- No, no, no.
{104959}{105007}Sherman, I need|to taIk to you now.
{105009}{105074}- It's about Buddy.|- He hasn't been misbehavin', has he?
{105076}{105165}He's an egotisticaI pig,|and I wish I never met him.
{105167}{105225}But, Sherman, I owe you|a very big apoIogy.
{105226}{105315}- You owe me an apoIogy?|- Yes. Last night-|I was onIy trying to heIp-
{105317}{105389}I insisted that Buddy Love|speak to HarIan HartIey.
{105391}{105441}He took aII the credit|for your research.
{105442}{105517}- Now Dean Richmond-|- Where's Buddy?
{105574}{105621}- Oh-|- Buddy came here?
{105622}{105687}- No!|- So what's this?
{105689}{105755}- Are you guys-|You guys share girIs?|- Oh, no, no, no, no.
{105757}{105813}- I guess I was next on the Iist.|- No, you don't understand.
{105814}{105898}I cannot beIieve|I came over here feeIin' sorry for you.
{105900}{105946}CarIa, wiII you pIease|just Iisten to me?
{105948}{106014}- I assure you it is not|what it appears to be!|- You're no better than he is!
{106016}{106105}You are just as sick as Buddy,|and I don't wanna see you or him again!
{106107}{106201}Ca-CarIa, pIease|just Iisten. CarIa!
{106202}{106281}""Eviction notice""?|""VioIation of noise ordinance""?
{106306}{106361}- Professor?
{106362}{106422}- We have to get to the Iab right away.|- Whatever it is...
{106424}{106470}is gonna have to wait untiI Iater.
{106472}{106561}No, that's the thing.|There's isn't gonna be a ""Iater.""
{106601}{106654}Professor, what did you do Iast night?
{106656}{106702}Jason, I have|such a bad hangover,
{106704}{106759}I honestIy|do not remember.
{106761}{106831}WeII, the good news is|I'm not going to kiII you,
{106833}{106879}not physicaIIy, anyway.
{106881}{106928}I am, however,|going to kiII you professionaIIy.
{106929}{106977}You're not onIy fired|from this institution,
{106979}{107051}but I'm going to make sure|you never get hired by any|other coIIege in the state,
{107053}{107101}the country, the worId,|maybe even the universe.
{107102}{107155}UnIess, of course, they're Iooking|for teachers on PIanet Fat.
{107157}{107201}Oh, by the way,
{107202}{107274}Buddy Love is going to be using|your invitation to the aIumni baII,
{107276}{107337}so show a IittIe schooI spirit|and see that he gets it.
{107338}{107433}* We're in the money **|Put that food down!|They ate yesterday!
{107491}{107580}...reaIIy tight and say,|""Yes, I can.""
{107581}{107682}- Say it again.|- Yes, I can!
{107811}{107865}Hey, chunky drawers!|Hey, tank ass!
{107866}{107933}What are you eatin'? Muffin? StrudeI?|Put it down. Let me taIk to you.
{107934}{108003}If you're receivin' this|message, that means you|went and pIumped back up...
{108005}{108109}to your usuaI,|fat, sorry, stuff-my-face-|'tiI-I'm-aImost-dead seIf.
{108110}{108166}Is that what you did?|Shame on you, Sherman!
{108168}{108245}Do you know what you did Iast night?|You had the time of your Iife.
{108247}{108324}Do you know you can get arrested|in 50 states for the shit|you did just Iast night?
{108388}{108445}- Oh, my goodness!|- You know what you need to do?
{108447}{108533}You need to go down to the|Iaboratory and mix up another|batch of this bIue stuff.
{108535}{108605}Come on back to the party, Sherman,|because CarIa doesn't want you.
{108607}{108667}She wants me.|Me, not you.
{108669}{108729}So come join me,|because you can't beat me.
{108731}{108825}You can't beat me.|You can't beat me!
{108827}{108884}Yes, I can!
{108885}{108938}- Yes, I can.
{109041}{109087}Professor, I got your message.|What's up?
{109089}{109152}I'm goin' to that aIumni baII tonight,|and I'm gonna recIaim my Iife.
{109153}{109221}Yes! I'm so gIad|to hear you say that.
{109222}{109269}Get things straight|with Miss Purty,
{109271}{109321}- and I'm gonna get that grant|from HarIan HartIey.|- ExceIIent.
{109322}{109415}Jason, we have seen the Iast|of Buddy Love.
{109840}{109903}Horace, good to see you.|The jitterbug contest just started.
{109905}{109956}I'm kidding, I'm kidding.|Your tabIe's upstairs.
{109957}{110005}That's another joke.|Ha-ha-ha-ha!
{110006}{110073}When did you marry|Sharon Stone?
{110075}{110131}Keep those Iegs crossed.|Ha-ha-ha-ha!
{110133}{110173}HartIey! Damn it!
{110174}{110221}And where the heII|is Buddy Love?
{110222}{110282}- No sign of him yet, sir.|- Here's an idea.
{110284}{110332}- Find him!|- Yes, sir!
{110333}{110412}- HarIan.|- WeII, Richmond. Where's|your Professor Buddy Love?
{110413}{110480}Oh, with you it's aIways business.|Let's get to know each other man-to-man.
{110481}{110569}Now, if our fiIes are correct,|you and your fabuIous wife|have a terrific daughter.
{110570}{110622}I'm divorced,|and my daughter is in rehab.
{110624}{110679}So you're saying|our fiIes are not correct.
{110681}{110728}Listen, you pompous butt-kisser.
{110729}{110781}I have a check in my pocket|for $10 miIIion.
{110783}{110849}Your Buddy Love has 'tiI midnight|to prove that formuIa works.
{110850}{110907}He'II be here, the formuIa works,|and you have the check.
{110909}{110966}ReaIIy? On you now?|Because on behaIf of- Which pocket?
{110968}{111030}No, don't teII me.|Let me smeII it. Punch?
{111032}{111081}Oh, come on now.|Look at this.
{111082}{111130}I can't eat this.|This stuff is too tiny.
{111132}{111178}I can't get fuII|off this mess!
{111180}{111245}I think it's wonderfuI,|aII the precious IittIe finger foods.
{111246}{111293}Finger food?|I got a finger for 'em.
{111294}{111345}I ain't paid no hundred-doIIar ticket|for no finger food.
{111346}{111396}I couId go down to Subway,|get me a sandwich for three doIIars.
{111397}{111450}I gotta pay a hundred-doIIar ticket|for finger food?
{111452}{111498}You must be crazy to think|I'm gonna eat this-
{111500}{111546}- You're getting on|my damn nerves! Shut up!|- I'm hungry!
{111548}{111606}There's CarIa. I wonder|if she's seen Sherman. CarIa!
{111608}{111666}CarIa. Oh.
{111668}{111757}Oh, oh!
{111758}{111834}- Oh, you Iook fabuIous.|- Thank you, Mrs. KIump.
{111836}{111883}- Have you seen Sherman?|- Yeah, where's Sherman at?
{111885}{111941}I ain't come to pay no|hundred-doIIar ticket|to suffer this aIone.
{111943}{112033}- CIetus, shut up, pIease!|- Hey! That's strike two.
{112035}{112097}I don't think Sherman|wiII be coming tonight.
{112099}{112157}Yes, he is. Sherman caIIed me|and toId me make sure we was here.
{112158}{112239}He got a big announcement|to make- something about|gettin' it aII off his chest.
{112241}{112314}Have you noticed that Sherman's|been acting kind of strange IateIy?
{112316}{112377}Sherman has definiteIy|been acting strange IateIy.
{112379}{112431}I knew it!|See, CIetus? I toId you.
{112433}{112501}You reaIIy think I be Iistenin' to you.|I ain't Iistenin' to you!
{112502}{112563}WeII, Mrs. KIump, I hope you have|a wonderfuI evening.
{112565}{112630}Oh, you do the same.|Thank you so much.
{112632}{112701}So precious. Look at|your IittIe purpIe dress.|They gonna think we twins.
{112702}{112760}- Mr. KIump.
{112761}{112833}- Oh, yeah, yeah.|- FabuIous.
{112834}{112909}You know, CIetus, I think something's|goin' on between her and Sherman.
{112910}{112958}You don't go get up|in Sherman's business.|That's Sherman's business.
{112960}{113025}Sherman's business?|That's my business. Sherman is my baby.
{113027}{113099}Sherman's 35 years oId!|What you taIkin' about he's your baby?
{113101}{113163}- I don't wanna hear it.|Shut up, pIease! CarIa!|- That's strike three, damn it!
{113165}{113245}Don't you waIk away from me,|goddamn it! 
{113246}{113325}-Hey, this is the Iast of it, Professor.|-I'II teII you this, Jason.
{113327}{113402}If I'm gonna change my Iife, it's not|gonna come from some magic drink.
{113404}{113505}Gotta come from a Iot of hard work|and exercise and pIenty of these.
{113507}{113569}Good-bye, Buddy Love.|HeIIo, Megashake.
{113772}{113823}Professor?
{113857}{113906}Oh!
{113908}{113989}I Iost 300 pounds|in 30 seconds!
{113991}{114062}- Thanks, Megashake!|- You tricked him!
{114064}{114128}You damn right, hamster boy.|I knew Sherman was gonna go soft on me.
{114129}{114198}That can wreak havoc|on a man's sex Iife.
{114200}{114257}See, I've done|some caIcuIations of my own.
{114259}{114305}If I drink 500 miIIiIiters|of formuIa,
{114307}{114365}I'II have enough ceIIuIar stabiIity|to be rid of Sherman's ass forever!
{114366}{114426}You drink that much formuIa at one time|and it wiII kiII you!
{114428}{114513}If I drink it aII at once, yes.|If I drink haIf now|and haIf Iater, that's safe.
{114515}{114568}At midnight, I don't have to worry|about turning into no KIumpkin.
{114569}{114643}If you don't mind, I have|a date at the aIumni baII, and|you have a date with IinoIeum.
{114645}{114706}Who?
{114809}{114893}No, no, no, chiId.|Not a wiId party. Not Sherman.
{114894}{114952}He's too shy for something Iike that.|He hates parties.
{114953}{115024}In fact, we tried to have a party|for Sherman when he was 18 years oId...
{115025}{115077}and he's so shy,|he didn't even show up.
{115079}{115159}WeII, I must admit,|it didn't seem Iike the Sherman I knew.
{115161}{115230}Oh, no, not my baby. Maybe he|Ioaned his house out to somebody...
{115232}{115276}- or one of his buddies|was throwin' a party.|- Yeah!
{115277}{115367}Is that a test tube in my pocket?|Or am I just happy to see you?
{115369}{115418}- Oh! How dare you?|- Oh, you know you Ioved it.
{115420}{115469}- I feIt you percoIatin'. Whoo!
{115470}{115523}Hey, thanks a Iot, man.|Thank you so much.
{115525}{115581}Oh! What you servin' here?
{115582}{115657}This stuff is na- Y'aII got to get|some coIIard greens and yams!
{115658}{115711}- Some red beans and rice!|- Some ""Buddy"" is right.
{115713}{115766}- This ain't no party!|This ain't no baII!|- Dr. Love!
{115768}{115814}Y'aII gotta get y'aII|some peach cobbIer up in here!
{115816}{115894}Dr. Love!|Where the heII have you been?
{115896}{115970}I've been nursemaiding HartIey|for three hours, and if I|didn't need that money-
{115972}{116042}Shut up! Who you think|you're taIkin' to, Sherman KIump?
{116044}{116101}Man, if you ever taIk to me|Iike that again, I'II kiII ya!
{116102}{116161}I don't mean that as a euphemism.|I mean I'm gonna IiteraIIy kiII ya.
{116163}{116269}I'm gonna strangIe you and cut off|your air suppIy untiI you pass away!
{116271}{116333}Now find the rich dummy a seat.|It's show time.
{116334}{116389}It's show time, everybody!
{116390}{116491}Show time!
{116718}{116789}Oh, my God.|Oh, my God!
{116972}{117045}That's enough out of you!|That's it. You're the reason|everybody faIIin' asIeep.
{117046}{117122}Take a break, Nigger-ace.|Take the EverIy Brothers|with you. Get outta here!
{117124}{117213}Look at everybody sIeepin'|because of y'aII! It's show time!
{117214}{117294}Whoo! Now why are y'aII Iookin'|at me Iike y'aII don't know me?
{117296}{117357}- Y'aII know me!|- I don't know that fooI.
{117358}{117433}How 'bout now?|You recognize me?
{117435}{117493}- I don't know that fooI.|- Maybe it's because...
{117495}{117593}this morning|I weighed 400 pounds!
{117594}{117657}You shouId've seen me.|Look at me now.
{117659}{117715}You know how I did it?|One sip.
{117717}{117769}I know why he Iike that,|'cause he drunk.
{117770}{117821}- Be quiet!|- Don't teII me to be quiet!|He drunk!
{117823}{117897}I Iike to caII it|""Buddy's Wonder Tonic.""
{117899}{117941}I know what|wonder tonic you had.
{117942}{118006}- Right on scheduIe.
{118008}{118117}CeIIuIar destabiIization|due to arrive in exactIy three,
{118119}{118190}- two, one-
{118245}{118306}- Ain't that a bitch!|- What the heII?|- My goodness!
{118308}{118407}Hey, moneybags, you want|a demonstration? WeII, then|feast your eyes on this.
{118549}{118601}That's a heII of a trick.
{118602}{118693}- Ladies and gentIemen,|for my finaI demonstration-
{118694}{118802}Look out, David CopperfieId.|I'm about to make a 400-pound fat man...
{118804}{118861}disappear forever!
{118863}{118937}No! Wait!
{118939}{119031}I cannot Iet you do this anymore!
{119033}{119097}This has got to stop!
{119137}{119217}This man is trying to kiII|Professor Sherman KIump!
{119218}{119301}-That's it. I'm gIad I brought my knife.|-Mm-hmm. And I got my razor.
{119303}{119367}- Hand over the viaI now!|- Oh, sure thing, hamster boy.
{119369}{119429}But first,|a short musicaI interIude.
{119464}{119520}- Buddy!
{119521}{119573}What has gotten into you,|and where is Sherman?
{119574}{119630}Sherman is gone!
{119632}{119678}- Disappeared!|- What the heII-
{119680}{119741}And that's a pretty good trick for a man|with an ass as big as his.
{119743}{119804}- Oh! I'm Iate for an appointment.
{119805}{119881}Ladies and gentIemen,|say good-bye to Sherman KIump!
{119888}{119945}I hate being caIIed hamster boy.
{119947}{120010}- Ahhh!
{120012}{120069}You just don't know|when to quit, do you?
{120219}{120278}It's too Iate, fat boy.|It's over!
{120280}{120341}Let go! Let go!
{120402}{120435}- My goodness!|- Damn!
{120437}{120523}Give it up, fat boy! It's over!
{120525}{120589}It ain't over 'tiI|the fat professor sings!
{120591}{120666}- Let go of my hand, you fat mother-
{120668}{120745}Say one more word, Buddy,|I'II tear your arm off!
{120747}{120889}It's time... we take...|Nestea... pIunge!
{120890}{120965}Whoo!
{120966}{121053}- Gonna get the heII outta here|in a second. It's okay.
{121164}{121219}Ah!
{121221}{121283}- Ahhh!|- Sweet Jesus!
{121285}{121402}- Sherman!|- Sherman, don't do this! You need me!
{121432}{121500}No, I don't!
{121501}{121549}You fat ass!
{121550}{121600}TinkerbeII!
{121601}{121682}- BIubber butt!|- Featherweight!
{121684}{121761}Somebody better caII|an exorcist!
{121762}{121867}Sherman! Sherman!|You can't beat me!
{121869}{121910}This is some scary shit!
{122033}{122120}Yes, I can!
{122121}{122237}- Ooh!
{122238}{122305}- Sherman, come back here! Sherman!|- What's happening to me?
{122307}{122405}Everything's getting reaI dark!|Oh! I feeI reaI jiggIy!
{122406}{122465}I'm bIubbifying! Sherman!
{122466}{122570}You need me!|I taught you to be confident!|You needed me, Sherman!
{122572}{122634}Sherman!|No matter what-
{122636}{122706}No matter what,
{122708}{122774}ya got to strut.
{122982}{123066}I ain't gonna be pickin' up your big ass|aII night, Anna. Shit.
{123282}{123329}- Oh, my God.|- WeII, I'II be damned.
{123597}{123713}If you give me a moment,|I beIieve I can try to expIain.
{123766}{123837}My research is, uh-
{123838}{123915}WeII, uh, when|I started out I wa-
{123917}{123973}I wanted to heIp peopIe.
{123975}{124040}But I became desperate|and seIfish.
{124076}{124139}What I did was wrong.
{124205}{124305}Buddy's who I thought|the whoIe worId wanted me to be.
{124307}{124391}He's who I thought|I wanted to be.
{124393}{124500}And sometimes when you|want something so, so bad,
{124501}{124569}you do just about anything|to get it.
{124693}{124758}But I Iearned one thing|from Buddy.
{124760}{124833}I Iearned that Iife|is not about...
{124834}{124946}bein' happy about how much you weigh,|but just bein' happy with yourseIf.
{124992}{125097}I'm terribIy sorry about|aII this. I hope I haven't|ruined everybody's evenin'.
{125099}{125147}PIease excuse me.
{125186}{125242}I'm sorry.
{125593}{125653}Sherman!
{125654}{125702}Sherman!
{125704}{125770}Sherman, wait a minute.
{125824}{125893}Sherman, why did you Iie to me?
{125894}{125965}Why didn't you|say anything?
{125967}{126091}I didn't think you'd have me. I mean,|the fact of the matter is I'm a big man.
{126093}{126205}Now, I wiII Iose weight, but I'm|aIways gonna be big no matter what I do.
{126207}{126317}So, anybody I wind up with is just goin'|to have to accept me for who I am.
{126319}{126433}And more important, I'm just going|to have to accept myseIf for who I am.
{126497}{126543}Sherman,
{126545}{126613}I don't have a date tonight.
{126682}{126737}WouId you Iike to|dance with me?
{126830}{126898}- Professor.
{126937}{127013}- I thought you might need this.
{127014}{127129}- Yeah, I guess|I tore this one up, huh?
{127470}{127547}- You know one thing I couIdn't|stand about that Buddy?|- What's that?
{127549}{127625}- He was too damn scrawny.
{127626}{127707}Okay, Professor!|Lookin' good!
{127709}{127827}- Have I mentioned we aIso have|a terrific EngIish Department?|- I'm giving him the grant.
{127829}{127899}- What?|- I hate to admit it,|but you're absoIuteIy right.
{127901}{128029}- He's a briIIiant scientist|and a gentIeman as weII.|- WeII, I toId ya!
{128030}{128111}- WiII you shut up!|- I'm fine with that.
{128169}{128290}Ooh! Sherman, Sherman, Sherman,|Sherman, Sherman, Sherman, Sherman!
{128292}{128364}- Light as a feather tonight.|Come on. Bump me.
{128365}{128429}- Whoo, yeah!
{128430}{128513}Oh, oh, my goodness!|I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
{128515}{128578}- You didn't hurt yourseIf, did you?|- I'm fine.
{128681}{128753}- Yeah!|- FabuIous!